Verbal Abuse Is NOT Okay
Verbal abuse can happen to anyone. So many people unknowingly are subjected to this type of abuse. They brush it off; their partner, friend, family member does not actually mean anything by what they say. But verbal abuse leaves deeper scars than you may know.
Just as painful as physical abuse
Domestic abuse does not just consist of physical, it also includes verbal and emotional abuse. At one time or another, many people have been subjected to verbal abuse. Unfortunately, most people don’t spot it. You are undergoing verbal abuse if:
- When they say something that hurts you they tell you you’re being too sensitive
- Call you names and put you down
- Make you feel bad or guilty
- Hope for you to fail
- Denies your reality
- Is passive aggressive
- Constantly criticizing you
- Explodes at you with anger
- Threatens you
- Constantly orders you around
- Tries to control your life
- Tells you “you’re blowing things out of proportion“
- Emotionally blackmails/manipulates you
- Accuses you of doing things you didn’t do (such as cheating on them, lying to them, etc.)
- Is extremely jealous
These are all very indicative signs of verbal abuse. I personally was verbally abused by my ex boyfriend and it took 3 months for me to see the signs.
I decided to take a break until he treated me better and it didn’t work. I read “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” and it really helped me work through the situation and get out of it.
Although, don’t expect the person to change. If the person feels nothing is wrong limit your contact with them as much as possible. Don’t be around someone who puts you down and doesn’t appreciate you to the fullest.
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My Personal Verbal Abuse Story
I was verbally abused by my father my whole life, but did not recognize it. His hurtful teasing seemed to be “harmless,” though many times it made me cry. He’d get mad over little things and yell and intimidate me. But I didn’t realize this was abnormal behavior for a long time.
That’s why man of my romantic partners I’ve been with have been verbally abusive and got away with it. I never spoke up because I didn’t think there was a problem. Even though they made me feel bad I knew “they didn’t mean it.”
Then I started dating my ex. Whenever he got mad he said hurtful things, but I just brushed it off because he was angry; again, “didn’t mean it.” But then I took a class on relationships and they helped me to realize he was verbally abusive, and not just when he was angry.
Even when we were getting along he’d say things like, “the gap in your teeth makes you slightly unattractive” and “you could stand to lose one or two pounds.” I told him that he was verbally abusing me and I didn’t want to be in the relationship unless he changed.
He never did change, but I’m proud of myself for getting out of that situation.