Men Made Easy
Are men really made easy? Are they really more simple than we think? They too have emotional needs just like we women do. Often though they don’t express them as well. Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.
Do we often have unrealistic expectations of men and how a relationship is supposed to be? I think we often do. Learning to accept others as they are can be the key to happiness. Do you toss your best friend aside even though she does some things that irritate you? I doubt it. We accept the flaws of others, we all have them, so are men excluded in this concept? Are they not human too? Men really can be made easy.
Men are different, that is a reality, they are raised to hold things in, not show emotions, deal with problems on their own. Their communication techniques, levels of intimacy, need for space, etc…, are not the same as ours, never has been, never will be. They have a right to these differences whether they suit our needs or not.
How many times have you stewed in your life time because a man did not behave the way you thought he was supposed to. Maybe he forgot to call, maybe he did not take out the trash, whatever. One of our biggest frustrations with men is our inability to get them to do what we think they are supposed to do. We use “should s” and “supposed to’s” as if we were the supreme beings in a relationship. The key to getting along with men well in general is to accept the answer to the question I asked myself. “Who the hell gave women the right to set the rules, to make their needs more important, and to decide how men should or are supposed to act or respond in a relationship?” Is that really fair? No.
Men have a right to be themselves. They have needs too! I think we as women sometimes get so caught up in what we deserve, what we feel entitled to that we miss the big picture. They are an equal part of the relationship. Men consistently say the one reason they hesitate to get into relationships is because they do not feel they can live up to our rules and expectations. Have we become like that? Have we lost sight of the ability to see men as who they really are, because they may not meet all of our expectations?
We have seen that trying to change men often means losing them. It’s more effective to find ways to respond to his differences that we can feel more comfortable with. By lessening his importance, his differences can seem less irritating. After all, our happiness shouldn’t be too dependent on what we get from him. That doesn’t mean we should sell ourselves short, but is it time for us to accept that men don’t have to change because we have a specific image of what we want. Men don’t deserve to be labeled as jerks because they don’t do things the way we want them to.
Let Men be Men
Why is it so hard to just let men be men. We think because they don’t compliment us often, maybe are not as romantic as we would like that they care less about us. Could it be so simple as that they have a totally different language of love?
A man may go get your oil changed, may fix your dryer, do things for you. Oh Lord forbid though he did not tell you how fabulous you looked in that new dress you bought. Get realistic here, men don’t think like women, period. In his mind he just showed you how he cared by doing little things for you. Are you complaining? It’s a vicious circle, they give in the manner they know how, we expect them to give in the manner we know how. We set up these expectations and we are disappointed. Eventually ways are parted.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could understand them better and accept their differences? When a man finds a woman who does not try to change him, often he marries her.
The result here, the man ends up feeling inadequate, like he can never please us, we become work. When a man does not feel he is making his woman happy, it has serious effects on his ego, often causing him to retreat or give up.
Remember this, boys will be boys.
Men Don’t Think Like Us
Oh life would be easier if men could and would think like us, but reality is they don’t and won’t. The different way we think isn’t something either sex can help. Men are brought up to be goal oriented, women are brought up to please. The ultimate form of validation for a man is to succeed in achieving a goal. The ultimate form for a women is often to have her man want her.
A man defines himself by his accomplishments such as their job, fixing things around the house, how safe and protected their woman feels etc…, women often define themselves by their appearance, does their man love them, are they thin enough, are they understood, etc… So man meets woman ready to achieve, and woman meets man ready to be loved and romanced and alas, the clash begins.
Make Him Feel Like a Man
Women are so independent today. We no longer feel like we need a man. All this is fine and well, but where does it leave the men? They like to feel needed. Below are some suggestions on how to make him feel like a man
- Ask him to walk you to your car. You need him to keep you safe.
- Ask him to kill all bugs. Look away when he does this.
- Get him to open a jar or lift something for you
- If you are watching a scary movie, bury your head in his chest during the bad parts
- If it’s cold outside, ask him to warm your side of the bed
- Let him move any heavy piece of furniture
- Let him park your car or back it out of a tight place. Tell him he is a better driver.
- Any light bulbs you can’t make it known you want him to change them
- Have him get rid of the wasp nest on your patio
- Get him to pump your gas
- Request that famous steak or burger he grill so well. Tell him you are craving it.
In essence what I am saying is appreciate him and the little things he does. Don’t go overboard though. If he takes you to dinner, thank him, tell him you enjoyed it. Once is enough, you don’t want to act like this is your first hot meal in years.
Praise him also. If he does something that makes you happy, tell him. If he takes out your trash, say, wow, thanks, I really didn’t want to walk to the dumpster in the dark. Praise goes a long ways in making a man feel like a man and feel appreciated.
Affection is also a good way to make him feel like a man and make him want to be closer to you. Affection is also a good way to show appreciation. If he does something nice for you, smile and give him kiss or a hug. A warm receptive woman makes a man feel like a man and will bring him closer to you.
While men do love the independent woman, the one who doesn’t depend on him for her happiness and center her world around him, they do want to feel needed. A man who feels needed will be more likely to open up to you and move closer. Independent women are great, but a ball buster type woman who does everything for herself and doesn’t need a man isn’t what he is looking for.
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Often we just don’t understand men at all. So much of their behavior is just out of our grasp. We as women are emotional creatures. Men on the other hand seem to be able to just switch their feelings off over night. What makes them do this and why do they do this? They can hurt our feelings and then accuse us of being oversensitive. Have you ever heard the line, you aren’t going to bring that up again are you? Its us as women trying to get them to understand us. So can how we as women understand men and learn to live in harmony with them.
A lot of the answer lies within ourselves. We set expectations as to what we need to feel loved and to have love shown to us. Setting up these expectations in turn can set us up for disappointment. Men do not always view showing love to us the same way we do. So until we truly understand men and how they relate in relationships, we will not be able to move them towards us.
The actions that we use to get what we need to feel love are often what actually pushes them away. We complain, we nag, we ask, we cry and we get our feelings hurt. While these things may get us what we want short term, the man usually goes back to his old ways soon. These things don’t work, so why continue doing the same thing if it just does not get you the results of what you actually need and want. How can you understand men and get what you need and deserve?
We don’t want much really, just to feel adored and loved. Its really simple. So why don’t men get it? Because they do not think like we do. They avoid emotional confrontation, Is there a better way to communicate our needs without throwing them into defense mode. Can you get what you really want and need with the man you are with now? The answer is yes. You can have the relationship you have always wanted and you can have it with a new man, your current man or maybe the one that got away.
You can understand men and how they relate to women. Understand their needs and how to get them to communicate with you on a deeper level by changing your attitude towards your relationship. If you let go of the outcome and realize you have no control over it, then you are more open to receive from them. If you can learn to show them that you will not be an emotional basket case every time they make a mistake, they will be more inclined to please you and work harder to make you happy. The first step to build a fun and exciting relationship starts with you and how well you understand your man.
Whether you are married, in a relationship, or dating, the way you communicate with men is very important. It is important that you communicate in a way that does not send them running but still get your point across and stand your ground and get what you want. If you are feeling resentment because of all of the disappointments from your relationship you can change it and you can start today. Minutes from now you can have the tools and the knowledge to turn your relationship into bliss and have the man in you life working to make you happy without you lifting a finger. Have the relationship you want and deserve. Learn to understand your man.