Divorce Recovery Survival Guide
Going through a divorce is a very devastating event in life.
If you are going through a divorce right now you are feeling the pain and heartache of losing your relationship.
It is like the world has moved under you and all of your stability is gone.
Someone once described it to me as being adrift in the ocean during a terrible storm with no land or rescue boats in site.
They told me they had that queasy off balance feeling and they couldn’t quite get stabilized.
Statistics now say that about 40% of marriages end in divorce. The good news is that divorce is on the decline because people are becoming more careful about who they choose as a life mate.
There are no guarantees in life or relationships and as careful as you are about marrying, sometimes you will end up facing a divorce.
I want to show you some effective ways to deal with the pain from your divorce and teach you how to rebuild your life into something even better than it was before.
Unfortunately, we do learn more quickly when we have gone through something painful because we are open to change.
Read on and I will tell you more…
Dealing With Pain and Grief
You may be reeling from the pain and anguish of your divorce. It can be so bad that it is difficult to think or even function. Every day activities become overwhelming and many just want to stay in bed without having to deal with life.
I know how it feels because I have been there. I have felt the pain you are experiencing right now and I want you to know that the pain will go away.
It is hard to believe right now but I want to assure you that you will recover.
It is important that you understand that you are grieving over the loss of the relationship.
Grief has several stages including:
- disbelief and shock
- denial and avoidance
- frustration and anger
- bargaining and deal making
- sadness and depression
- acceptance and resolution
Here is the key. You can fast track your recovery by:
- Joining an online divorce recovery course
- Understanding that your recovery takes some time
- Write down your feelings in a journal
- Get into a divorce recovery support group
When you have some help dealing with your feelings from your divorce you will see a more rapid recovery.
Read another article here: Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone
Divorce Do’s and Dont’s
Divorce is such a devastating experience that many times you are so numb with pain and make some incredibly bad choices. Here are a few dos and dont’s to help you after your divorce.
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events and it is important that you make decisions slowly and carefully during this time. The haze of pain can blind you to what is good for you in your life.
Here are a few divorce recovery do’s
- Stabilize your finances
- Take divorce recovery classes online
- Get support from family and friends
Now let’s take a look at the don’ts. Here is where you can get into big trouble making the wrong decisions quickly just to escape the pain of your divorce.
So don’t :
- Make drastic life changes
- Start dating right away
- Change your employment
- If possible don’t change where you live
You will feel whole and happy again but don’t let the poor decisions you make right after your divorce slow down your recovery.
I think anytime there is a great deal of stress in our lives we should be very careful about our decisions. It is also important to be careful who you are listening to.
I have seen family and friends give the newly divorced very bad advice because they had their own agenda.
So be very careful about who you are listening to and if something inside of you says this is not right then listen to that voice!
Divorce and Finances
Money is always a touchy subject with those that have been through a divorce. In many cases you have watched half of you income and assets walk out the door with your ex.
Even if this has not happened to you during your divorce it is absolutely essential that you begin to get your financial house in order. As a single person you have to rely on yourself to build your financial future.
Begin by taking stock of where you are.
Start by making a list of all of your debts, health and life insurance as well as your house note and car payments.
Next I want you to make a list of your assets. This list includes things you own outright like 401K or IRAs as well as investment or savings accounts.
If you are still paying on your house this is not yet an asset. I personally do not believe a car is an asset unless it is an antique or a collectible. A car is a tool we use to make our life easier or better, so you can’t count that..
Now take a realistic look at your income after taxes, health insurance and anything else they take out..
Do you have enough to meet your bills and debt such as credit cards, memberships etc?
If the answer is no then you must immediately take action to trim unnecessary items from your budget. Can you cancel your golf or gym membership for awhile until you get stabilized?
Can you go to the library and check out books for a bit and save the $100 to $200 you are spending at the book store?
It might also be a good time to stay away from the mall right now until you have a little extra spending money. By a little extra spending money I am not talking about how much room you have on your credit card!
Time For Change
There is a time to grieve over the loss of a marriage and there is a time to embrace change and begin to rebuild your life.
It may surprise you that I am advising you to take time to grieve. I know, I know, family and friends are telling you to just get over it. It isn’t always that easy. You might remind these well meaning people that if your spouse had just died they would not be telling you to get over it and move on. They would expect a time of grief and sadness.
Even though your spouse is not dead (and you should not be wishing they were :}-) you are still going through that same grieving process and it is perfectly reasonable for you to take the time to do so.
There is also a time to begin to pull yourself up out of that grief and begin rebuilding your life.
This doesn’t mean that you are over your divorce. Far from it. But there is, for some, a certain amount of dysfunction if they keep the pain going by wallowing in the sadness of the divorce. I have seen people who have been divorced for several years and they have not yet begun to create a new life for themselves.
Many times they are angry and bitter. Life is to be enjoyed and happiness can be yours again but you will have to work at it.
Exercise Away the Pain
When you are hurting the last thing you want to do is get up and move. Crawling under the covers and hiding out sounds like the way to go but it is the worst thing you can do.
Getting a little exercise is a great way to tell your body and mind that everything is going to be alright. The easiest and least expensive way to do this is to get an exercise DVD and work on moving a little in the comfort of your own home.
You have heard ‘a body at rest will stay at rest. A body in motion will continue the motion’. In other words get moving and you will keep moving, releasing endorphins which will make you feel better.
Try it two to three days a week and you will start feeling better and you will find you have more energy. As the days and weeks go by you will also see that your body is becoming more toned and healthier which will also make you feel better.
Give it a try. You have everything to gain.
Below are some of the most popular and effective home workout programs.
If it is not in the budget to get one of these programs use what you have. Go for a walk in your neighborhood or climb the stairs at work. You just have to get a little more creative but you can do it!