Forgetting Your Ex Wife Can be Hard
Divorce plunges you into a state of emotional turmoil that is often made worse by the memories of your ex wife both good and bad. Forgetting your ex wife after divorce needs to be done to help you move on from the divorce and establish a happier post-divorce life. This does not mean forgetting everything about your ex, but it does mean reducing the intensity of the memories that assault you and bring you down again and again.
Taking control if your mind and memories will help you affect your mood, actions, and decision making abilities in a your life after divorce for men. With a well controlled mind that does not have ex wife memories intruding upon your days consistently you will feel empowered and free form a prison of negativity and sadness. This article will give you some tips on how to do this.
Forget Your Ex Wife Memories
The mind is an amazing piece of organic machinery. IT is so complex we are still learning more and more about how we think and how memories are stored and used every day. While much is a mystery, there are a few things that have been proven to be true in relation to our moods and memories.
Memories have a powerful influence on our mood and decision making processes. The more vivid a memory the more we pay attention to the lessons learned from that situation.
For instance, we may have a memory of doing something dangerous and hurting ourselves that comes back when we are about to take a dangerous action. This is a warning about the pain that comes from the consequences of a failed action of this type. This might make you reconsider doing this action, or it might at least make you reassess the risk again before you take the plunge. This learning mechanism works very well for a lot of our life – but it can also be a hindrance.
Another thing to realize about memories are that the more we remember them, the more we think about them, the stronger they becomes. Think about your mind as a field of tall grass. Remembering a memory is like traveling a path in that grass. The first time you walk it you leave a slight impression, but what happens when you tread the same path again and again? The grass is trampled and a clear path is formed. This path becomes the easiest path to travel for the mind because it is so obvious and fresh.
So, memories of your ex-wife of course can come back to make us feel miserable and we feed this memory when it is no longer helping us learn anything new. We make it stronger and stronger the more we imagine it and it influences our mood more and more until it can become an obsession!
Another great tips on divorce: Moving on After Divorce for Men
Tips to reduce ex wife memory intensity
The trick to “forgetting your ex wife” is to reduce the intensity of these memories. This mean lowering their extreme impact and the pathways it has burned in your mind. The more you lower this intensity and disassociate yourself from the emotional fallout of these memories the more you will be free to move on and not have them bother you anymore.
Here are a few mental tips you can use that actually work if you put your mind to them!
- Lower Volume – A simple trick you can do is to lower the intensity of a memory. When you feel you are thinking about your ex again, especially if it is a loud and violent or extreme kind of memory focus on it instead of trying to ignore it. Let it play out once as it is. After this close your eyes and remember again, but this time start to intentionally lower the volume of the argument or the talking or whatever happened. Also start to dim the memory as if you were putting a dimmer switch on the whole scene. Do this again and again until it becomes a dark, fuzzy whisper and not a full on screaming match that it once was. If you do this a few times you will find the memory ill effect your mood less as it will not have the same impact again.
- Disassociation – Another good tips is to try to disassociate yourself from the scene. If you have a troublesome memory involving yourself and your ex wife, try to imagine it not from within your own body and mind. Instead, try to imagine it from the point of view of an external camera or another person watching the whole thing. When you are not in the moment and in the conversation, you will feel the negative emotions that come from being the target of your ex wife’s words or actions much lessened. You can also use this to try to understand the memory without your usual preconceptions as you can watch your own actions critically as well as your ex wife’s
More Divorce Recovery Help for Men
Overcoming troublesome ex wife memories are just one part of the puzzle that is surviving post-divorce life. The emotional turmoil that men are thrust into because of divorce can be life shattering and devastating to your psyche.
I know because I have been there, years of marriage gone in an instant. My surety of who I was, was dashed to pieces as I no longer felt like a father, a husband, a family man, a provider anymore. The world judged me as such too … it was hell.
It was a hell I crawled out of though and I learned a thing or two. I now like to share my experiences and thoughts with other guys going through the same crap that I did so you can get on with your life sooner and not get mired for years in post-divorce hell.