Are You a Man Recovering From Divorce?
Divorce recovery for men is a rocky journey filled with turbulent emotions, financial difficulty, and tough decisions that you never feel equipped to handle competently. It is also a shock that can drive many men down the path of self destruction and even if you maintain your sanity, your loss of identity as a husband, a father perhaps, a family man and so forth are stripped form you unceremoniously.
While people may think that a divorced woman has it tough, society actually judges a man just as harshly if not MORE harshly than a women. We are often seen as the cause of divorce even if this is not true. We are seen as not doing the right thing by our family, we are viewed as failures to hold a family together, we are judged again and again and people may even wonder and gossip about infidelity and other less savoury things.
This can of course all be a lot of hogwash, but men after divorce cop this and simply have to endure or break under the pressure … however there is another way that can seem difficult but is the only way to truly move forward.
This is to change your life in a rebirth of your psychological outlook on life!
3 Divorce Recovery for Men Tips
The following 3 tips will help you understand your underlying psychology and help you transform the way you think to become happier, more successful and more fulfilled while letting go of your divorce and all its negative memories.
Previous article: Forgetting Your Ex Wife After Divorce
Beware Self Esteem Boosting
Your self esteem is your feeling of self worth in society. It is something that is usually greatly affected by outside events both good and bad. Divorce of course lowers your self esteem to seriously low levels. Men often report feeling useless, powerless and emasculated. Their self esteem plummets so low that they often feel a desperate need to regain some of this to feel better about themselves.
Unfortunately this can come about in bad ways such as short term esteem boosters that make you feel powerful. Alcohol, drugs, womanizing, fighting, working too hard to get success at work, trying to solicit pity and sympathy from others and so forth, these can all make you feel better about yourself for a short period but it is not a long term solution. It is like being an addict to a short term high much like a drug. Your fulfillment and sense of self worth must come from within … not from circumstances without …
Let go of Resentment
Nelson Mandela has a quote which I love and applies heavily to this situation – “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”
Anger, bitterness and resentment do no harm to anyone but yourself. It may be a defensive mechanism to make you more wary but it is also a limiter on your life. Not just about marriage and love either, this can seep into all aspects of your life turning your outlook negative. It truly is a poison you are drinking that kills you slowly while everyone else just watches on in pity.
Releasing any hatred and resentment must be done before you can possibly move on. This requires forgiveness which is a difficult and poorly understood concept but must be done.
Write it Down
The written word is more powerful than you can imagine. One aspects of this is to keep your thoughts, goals, and memories straight without the turbulent emotional mind twisted them out of fear or anger or sadness. There are a few ways you can use a pen and paper to help you recover from divorce faster such as:
- Write down your plans for the future and put it somewhere you can read it. Dar to dream, make them big, but achievable. Nothing defeats your goals and twists them in your mind more than a bout of self pity and worthlessness. A written record of what you CAN do will help you keep things clear.
- Write a letter to your ex wife. Do not post it to her though, pour out your negativity, your grief, your love, everything you can onto a page. Read it once and absorb it in all its pain and its glory. Let this be a way to release all that poisons that is resting inside of you into something tangible. Then burn or tear this paper up as a symbolic gesture of letting go of those feelings … it works amazingly well!
I hope these tips will help you move on from a divorce faster than you might have before. The whole issue of moving on from a marriage breakdown is a complex one that requires more than a few tips to really understand.
This is why I decided to write this article that would not just help you get through the tough times, but give you a complete understanding to the psychological problems that come from divorce, and how to solve them to be happier and more fulfilled in life.